There are some days… When they come, you think: “Shit”. But when you look back after, it feels that it was them, ugly and powerful motivators to change things for better. It was one of those days, I understood in horror that I don’t have a Dream. Everything was fine – job, relationships, life overall, plans for vacations, big and small goals…But simply nothing that I could call a Dream. A Real Beautiful Dream, you know. Dresses, houses, cars do not count, they are other category.
I felt empty and helpless, I indulged in depression. I read tones of books “Find your purpose”, went to psychologists, coaches, workshops, youtube and wine bar. I annoyed my nearest and dearest with whinning and a tragically asked question: “What are we living for?” None of the methods were working, even the reasonable ones. I am not the quickest person, so all this took several years. Nothing helped, and the Dream was still not showing up. Nothing helped to advance, even the usually working mantra: “Damn, so much energy and money spent, quickly to the exit!”
The Dream was a fancy dame, she took her time, changed many dresses and shoes before deciding what she wanted to look like.
Probably, it was a cumulative effect of searching, probably I changed so much on the way, probably the surroundings (never underestimate them!!), probably, alltogether, but it finally started to happen. I started to feel how the tectonic plates started to lazily move the world and by their collisions brought up something that was already there – jewelry.
Here is a little side story. For 10 years before the Great Tectonic Earthquake I had been doing education and work around management and business. I studied in 3 countries and surprised my physics teacher by advancing during these 10 years to quite good positions in energy companies (guys, don’t give up even if your electric chains never worked at school, yay!). I worked in strategic management, marketing, all types of communications and did consulting. I was moving very purposefully but, actually, to no real purpose. The education and profession were very reasonable and brought nice fruits. I still believe that it was the best thing to do while I did not know what to do.
Parallely, I loved art. I never imagined myself as a painter or anything close but I visited all possible galleries, followed the traces of favourite artists in different countries… I also loved jewelry. Abundantly, unconditionally. Long story short, when my collection achieved the size of an enormous tightly packed comode some kind of cathartic enlightment descended on my restless head. Jewelry Is Art! I love to buy it, I love to make it, I love to read and talk about it. It was always so close to me, as if my part, my third leg, that I did not notice it. Well, probably not the best comparison, it is hard not to notice the third leg…but you know what I mean. It Is It! I want to be surrounded by it! I want my story to be full of it! I know all the details, even the form of the door handle of my future workshop.
Nothing was there yet but my vision was clear and colourful! It was 2 years ago. No, it’s not the happy end. After that followed 1.5 years of 4 unsuccessful iterations of different projects connected with jewelry before the raw idea got more refined. 6 months ago I started a blog LOFT.bijoux about jewelry in Montreal (simply because I could not find any). I started in January to work for a beautiful classy jewelry L’Atelier Epure and today was my first day at l’École de joaillerie de Montreal.
I indulged into this world as much as I could and I also can’t wait to see what it will turn out – a businesswoman educated in jewelry or a jeweler, prepared for business. I hope, my restless mind can allow both these persons to coexist piecefully with each other. I don’t think more about dreaming, at the moment I am very busy with rebuilding around myself the world in which I want to live.
This blog is not not the place where you will find anything like: “Look, I am successful as crazy in this and now I will teach you everything!” It is my diary, my loft where I store all my stories about how it all started, how it is all going, what I am struggling with and what inspires me. It is not the final destinaton, it is the way!